Socks, Re-Rooted | by Sammy Kovnat

When I give my most recent ex her socks back
Mismatched
and unearthed from the soil beneath my bed
I will actively focus on not letting our hands touch
So that this offering doesn't feel stranger
Like
Paying for the drink of a person you just spilled yours on intentionally
I will
Make light eye contact and apologize
Because that's the only thing I know how to do
Because I can apologize myself out of existence and no one would question it
Because apologizing to attempt to find equilibrium is how I was raised
So,
I hand the socks over and she laughs
Because nervous laughter exists
Because she's over me and I'm too thick to understand that
Because she just really missed her cactus sock

//

When I get invited to a party at my most recent exes house
I put her lost socks in my backpack
Pulled from the soil beneath my bed
Mismatched
I cannot let them decay into my carpet
//
When I arrive I will be friendly
I will
Talk about light-hearted
Casual things
(I am SO CASUAL)
the weather
The last tweet Kanye sent
The slowly disintegrating society that we live in
I will wait for the exact moment
When I know everyone is the perfect level of intoxicated

(Myself included)

I'll suddenly need to pee
And excuse myself to
"Find the loo"
I will find her bedroom
By ways of the bathroom
By ways of the stairs
By ways of the drunken memory of finding it in the dark
It is here that I will pull out her socks
One black
One with tiny cacti
And I will gingerly plant them beneath her bed
A tender crime scene
To avoid the aforementioned
Exchange
Because I don't think she wants another apology from me
Because I think if she had to see my brain furiously processing fear mid discussion she would scream
Because I really want to be quiet
For once
Even though my feelings are loud
I just want to re-root the mismatched fabric and bring us back to equilibrium
With no words
Just a sober exchange

———

Written by Sammy Kovnat, see more of their work @skovesart

Zoe Rayn Evans