Socks, Re-Rooted | by Sammy Kovnat

When I give my most recent ex her socks back
and unearthed from the soil beneath my bed
I will actively focus on not letting our hands touch
So that this offering doesn't feel stranger
Paying for the drink of a person you just spilled yours on intentionally
I will
Make light eye contact and apologize
Because that's the only thing I know how to do
Because I can apologize myself out of existence and no one would question it
Because apologizing to attempt to find equilibrium is how I was raised
I hand the socks over and she laughs
Because nervous laughter exists
Because she's over me and I'm too thick to understand that
Because she just really missed her cactus sock


When I get invited to a party at my most recent exes house
I put her lost socks in my backpack
Pulled from the soil beneath my bed
I cannot let them decay into my carpet
When I arrive I will be friendly
I will
Talk about light-hearted
Casual things
the weather
The last tweet Kanye sent
The slowly disintegrating society that we live in
I will wait for the exact moment
When I know everyone is the perfect level of intoxicated

(Myself included)

I'll suddenly need to pee
And excuse myself to
"Find the loo"
I will find her bedroom
By ways of the bathroom
By ways of the stairs
By ways of the drunken memory of finding it in the dark
It is here that I will pull out her socks
One black
One with tiny cacti
And I will gingerly plant them beneath her bed
A tender crime scene
To avoid the aforementioned
Because I don't think she wants another apology from me
Because I think if she had to see my brain furiously processing fear mid discussion she would scream
Because I really want to be quiet
For once
Even though my feelings are loud
I just want to re-root the mismatched fabric and bring us back to equilibrium
With no words
Just a sober exchange


Written by Sammy Kovnat, see more of their work @skovesart

Zoe Rayn Evans