By Sammy Kovnat; Contributor

 

When I give my most recent ex her socks back

Mismatched

and unearthed from the soil beneath my bed

I will actively focus on not letting our hands touch

So that this offering doesn't feel stranger

Like 

Paying for the drink of a person you just spilled yours on intentionally 

I will 

Make light eye contact and apologize

Because that's the only thing I know how to do

Because I can apologize myself out of existence and no one would question it

Because apologizing to attempt to find equilibrium is how I was raised

So,

I hand the socks over and she laughs 

Because nervous laughter exists

Because she's over me and I'm too thick to understand that 

Because she just really missed her cactus sock 


//


When I get invited to a party at my most recent exes house

I put her lost socks in my backpack

Pulled from the soil beneath my bed 

Mismatched 

I cannot let them decay into my carpet

//

When I arrive I will be friendly

I will 

Talk about light-hearted

Casual things 

(I am SO CASUAL) 

the weather 

The last tweet Kanye sent

The slowly disintegrating society that we live in

I will wait for the exact moment

When I know everyone is the perfect level of intoxicated


(Myself included) 


I'll suddenly need to pee 

And excuse myself to

 "Find the loo"

I will find her bedroom 

By ways of the bathroom

By ways of the stairs

By ways of the drunken memory of finding it in the dark

It is here that I will pull out her socks

One black

One with tiny cacti 

And I will gingerly plant them beneath her bed

A tender crime scene 

To avoid the aforementioned 

Exchange

Because I don't think she wants another apology from me 

Because I think if she had to see my brain furiously processing fear mid discussion she would scream 

Because I really want to be quiet 

For once

Even though my feelings are loud 

I just want to re-root the mismatched fabric and bring us back to equilibrium

With no words

Just a sober exchange

poetryZoe Rayn Evans